my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
