Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
