At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
