hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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