he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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