A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
