Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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