I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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