like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
