Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
