Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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