Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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