I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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