Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
