I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
