I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
