your thong is hanging out like whoa
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Panties = found
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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