On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Dick very happy bro
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
