i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
