i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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