I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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