You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
