i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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