thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
