do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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