my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
