Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
