Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
