we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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