Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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