If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize