at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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