If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
