I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
