Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize