what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
