My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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