I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
