You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
It's shark week go big or go home
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
