I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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