I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
