I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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