this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
