We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
