Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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