just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
