You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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