Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
