my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
God, you're like boner-b-gone
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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