I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
