I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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