Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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