Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
