Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
