I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
