Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
