Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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