can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
her facebook's as public as her vagina
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
