You can't motorboat a personality
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
