Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
