Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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