she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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