I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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