She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
