The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
