Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
